13/100 Days of Seeds of Light

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#reality

Today was not all rainbows and roses.  I have been home from Israel for less than four days and my time clock has not caught up to my body.  I hit the ground running at full speed the minute I landed and I have not stopped for a minute to rest. I have been waking up in the ‪four o’clock‬ hour in the morning and going going going until I collapse close to midnight.  Yesterday, we accompanied my mother as she put her beloved dog to sleep. I am exhausted. I am sad. It is raining. And cold. I have been cranky all day, and so many things have not gone how I wanted/hoped/expected them to go. While I would like to say that I have been flexible or gracious about this, I have decidedly not.

It would be soooooo easy to wallow today.  I found myself starting several times.

And when that happens I tell myself:  Look for the light. Look for the light.  Look for the light. Look for the bright spots.  Look for the goodness. And when you don’t see it, look harder.  It is there, even in the rainy cold dark grey exhausted sad cranky Sunday, look for the light.

It’s possible that I was squinting all day, my face all screwed up in fierce determination looking for goodness, and I’m ok with that. Because here we are ‪on Sunday night‬ and I’m pretty sure the act of trying has saved me.